#140

I mean, what exactly is the point in praying for her food when her dad died six days before she was born from something the top cardiothoracic surgeons in the state explained by saying “I don’t know why this happened.”

#138

I don’t know how to cook for one. I make too much of everything and end up with leftovers that I won’t eat.

133

Glue your heart back together with mozzarella and paint it with pinot.

#126

“We live in a world of rice made from chickpeas. The sky is the limit.”

#109

You eat the macaroni and cheese you think you deserve. This is not a judgment against people who choose boxed over baked, but I do believe that they could learn to love themselves a little more.

#83

“You know what’s better than being sad?”

“Hm?”

“Cake.”

“Are we having cake?”

“Nope. You’re getting pasta, but that’s similar.”

#68

I used to be able to eat a whole large pizza by alone, but life happened and I seem to have lost myself. I’ve lost all confidence in my skills and abilities.

#66

“I accidentally pushed the wrong button and ordered two pizzas. The good news is that I will probably still be sad and hungry tomorrow.”

#65

This particular establishment is known for being the city’s second best pizza place.

#64

I am going to eat my way through the carbs of Grand Rapids.